Chapter 7: Eiji Makizaka’s Loneliness

It’s raining. Not a drizzle, but a downpour. There wasn’t even a forecast for rain.

But right now, this cold rain feels… comforting.

“—Damn it.”

The curse slips out, one I haven’t used in a while. If Aneki or Kirika were here, they’d scold me for my language.

But it’s not enough. I claw at my hair, scratch my cheek, and punch my thigh.

—Kirika was being bullied.

I’d suspected as much. It was just a hunch, but her words turned it into certainty.

But something unexpected came up.

“—What’s that supposed to mean, ‘everyone’s complicit’?”

—The ones bullying Kirika were the students gathered around me, the ones I thought were my friends.

“I saw it. Um, I overheard it in the girls’ bathroom. The leader of those girls, Araya-san, I think? She hit her. And she’s been talking about it to different people every day, so I got curious and looked into it.”

…I wanted to believe it was a joke. But after hearing that, there was no room for doubt.

“Um, I know I’m not supposed to bring this, but I thought I had to record it.”

She showed me her phone. And what I heard—was a conversation between Araya and someone else.

The voices besides Araya’s changed across the recordings, but the content was mostly the same… bragging about bullying Kirika. How the girls led it, how they made her stop coming to school.

The guys’ reactions varied—some mocked Kirika, others were put off by Araya—but that doesn’t matter.

What matters is that none of them told me Kirika was being bullied. No, it wasn’t just that they didn’t tell me. They hid it.

Even after Kirika started acting strange… even after she stopped coming to school, I asked around, suspecting she was being bullied. Especially about Araya.

And the result? Everyone said they didn’t know anything. Guys and girls alike, even saying Araya wouldn’t do something like that.

It was all a lie. At the very least, the guys were trying to keep it from me, and some of the girls were actively bullying Kirika alongside Araya.

I felt sick. I thought I had at least some shallow friendships. Turns out, I was completely wrong.

“…”

My steps are unsteady. Wait, how did I even get here? Did I thank Tokiyama-san properly?

I walk, brushing against walls and utility poles. If I don’t, I feel like I’ll collapse.

It usually takes ten minutes to get home, but it feels like it took hours—maybe my sense of time is just messed up. Eventually, I make it home.

“…I’m back.”

My voice is so small, I surprise myself. It’s barely loud enough to reach the living room. The sound of the door opening or the key turning is louder.

Aneki must’ve heard the door, because she comes over.

“Eiji, it started pouring out of nowhere, but are you—something happened, didn’t it?”

“…It’s nothing.”

Coming home soaked from a downpour would be one thing, but… I’m probably making a terrible face right now. I didn’t think Aneki wouldn’t notice.

“It’s not ‘nothing,’ is it? …I want to hear about it, but bath first. Go on.”

“…Yeah.”

“Or do you want to take one with your big sister?”

“No way… how old do you think I am?”

“You’re always my little brother, no matter how old you get. I’ll get your clothes ready, so take your time. Leave your bag here too—it’s probably soaked, so I’ll dry it out. I’ll wipe the floor, so don’t worry about it.”

“…Thanks.”

I leave my bag at the entrance, water dripping from it. Then I head to the bathroom.

The tub’s already filled. Aneki probably prepared it in case of the rain.

I wring out my wet clothes and leave them in the laundry area. Gotta ask later if they need to go in the washing machine.

Then I step into the bath. I pour hotter-than-usual water over my head and zone out.

I could probably stay under this shower for hours, but that’d worry Aneki too much. I wash my hair and body quickly and soak in the tub.

“…”

The hot water seeps into me. Like the shower, it feels hotter than usual, probably because my body’s so cold.

And yet, I keep thinking about what happened earlier.

“I need to go, don’t I?”

I need to go to Kirika. I know what happened now.

But… should I really go?

This morning, Kirika said I was a bother. Can I really ignore that? If I go, am I just assuming she can’t handle things without me?

If I go now, doesn’t that mean I don’t trust her… that I’m betraying her?

…No. All I can think of are bad thoughts.

I almost close my eyes, but I’d fall asleep like this, so I splash hot water on my face.

I stay in the tub, but while my body warms, the shock from school lingers in my heart.

◆◆◆

“Welcome back. Did you warm up properly?”

“…I soaked for a while, so yeah. Thanks for the bath and the laundry.”

“No worries, no worries. I’m your big sister, after all. Now come on, sit, sit.”

Aneki pats the spot next to her on the sofa. I hesitate but sit down quietly. If I resist, she’ll probably force me.

Then something warm rests on my head. Aneki’s hand.

“So, wanna tell your big sister what happened?”

“…It’s nothing.”

“Oh? Finally hitting that rebellious phase? Your big sister’s so sad. Maybe I’ll stick with you until you talk?”

Her hand ruffles my hair. I want to say she’s joking, but she’s probably serious.

Still… I didn’t want to talk.

“I really am sad, you know.”

Her hand stops with those words. Then she leans on my shoulder like it’s an armrest, pressing against me.

“Let’s say, for example, Kirika-chan was hiding that she’s being bullied from you. Wouldn’t that make you sad?”

I flinch… but Aneki probably hasn’t figured it out exactly. I tell myself it’s just an example.

“When you’re sad or hurting, and someone doesn’t lean on you—especially family—that’s tough, right? We’d both stay sad. …Or am I just an unreliable big sister?”

“No way… that’s not it.”

“I know. I’ve worked hard to be a good big sister to you… and Kirika-chan.”

Now she’s playing with my hair with her fingers. I glance at her, and she’s smiling smugly… but also warmly.

“Alright, no reason not to talk now. Spill it, spill it, all of it, let it out. And lean on your big sister for once.”

“…Fine.”

I can’t win against Aneki. I realize that all over again.

And so, I tell her—everything that happened at school and what happened at Kirika’s house this morning.

◆◆◆

“…That’s about five times crazier than I imagined. Especially the school stuff.”

After I finish, Aneki’s face looks really serious.

“But I get why you’re hurting, Eiji. …I had a time when the hottest guy in school confessed to me, and the next day, no one would hang out with me. It’s a bit different, but…”

“…Isn’t that pretty different?”

“Well, the reason, sure. But realizing the people you thought were friends are strangers? That’s the same. After that, I got scared of making friends.”

“…Scared of making friends.”

“Yeah. You don’t feel that, Eiji?”

Her words hit me. Yeah, that’s it. I’m scared of making friends.

How could I not be? Everyone knew I care about Kirika, that she’s my top priority, and still… no one told me. They hid it.

I can’t think of them as friends anymore. And… the thought that future friends might do the same? That’s terrifying.

“…Yeah, same.”

“Right? And in your case, they don’t even know you know. …So how about this?”

I’m looking down, and Aneki puts her hand on my head, turning me to face her.

She looks straight at me and smiles.

“Why don’t you just stick with Kirika-chan at school from now on?”

“…Huh?”

“You’re not alone, Eiji. You’ve got Kirika-chan.”

Aneki says that, but… I can’t say anything.

Because this morning—

“Do you think Kirika-chan meant what she said this morning? Do you think she’s not regretting it right now?”

“Well, I…”

“What do you think, Eiji?”

I’m at a loss for words. I can’t dodge the question…

“…I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, me neither. If Kirika-chan really thought you were a bother, I’d have hinted at it to you by now.”

“…If she felt that way, I’d know.”

But… what if I’m wrong? What if Kirika’s been pretending all this time?

Thinking about that… it’s scary.

“Then let me ask my little brother something.”

But that thought doesn’t last long. Onee-chan’s words stop me from thinking.

“Is my little brother the kind of guy who’d chicken out, thinking, ‘Maybe she hates me, so I’m scared to see her’?”

“…That’s not fair.”

“Sorry for being a sneaky big sister. But this is something you need to decide, Eiji.”

She says that and pats my head.

“I’m going to Kirika’s.”

The moment I say it, she slaps my back.

“That’s it! Go show her how cool you are, Eiji!”

She pushes me to my feet. I look at her, and she’s grinning happily.

“Thanks, Aneki.”

“You’re welcome. …You could call me ‘big sis’ sometimes, you know?”

“I’m in middle school now…”

She’s the same as ever. …But that’s Aneki.

“I’m heading out, Onee-chan.”

“…! Off you go! First time you’ve been sweet like that since elementary school!”

Calling her that for the first time since we were kids, I head to Kirika’s.

——.

ToC

Chapter 8